EXCLUSIVE to our new occasional satirical series….
THE STORY SO FAR:
The Portuguese government introduced a ‘Golden Visa’ program this year to
attract wealthy non-EU foreigners. Anyone investing a mere €500,000 in property is
eligible for a visa that allows them to take up residence, saves them the
inconvenience of paying tax on foreign-earned income and gives the right to unrestricted
travel within the Schengen zone. An investment of €1 million buys two Golden Visas
and other privileges.
Now read on….
The government is
declaring the Golden Visa scheme a roaring success with the biggest number of
recipients coming from Russia ,
China , Angola and Colombia .
Official records
show no evidence of oily oligarchs, corrupt communists, money-launderers or drug
barons taking advantage of the scheme.
Addressing
business leaders at a gala dinner in a sumptuous hotel in the Algarve this
week, a government minister said the program had attracted huge amounts of
money and much more was on the way.
According to
press reports, the minister attributed Portugal ’s attractiveness “not only
to the transport infrastructures but also the country’s better prepared and
more flexible human resources and the ongoing structural reforms.”
Those reading accounts
of the speech in discarded newspapers while searching in rubbish bins and
queuing up at soup kitchens said they had no idea what the minister was talking
about.
Meanwhile the
government has emphasised that the newcomers are adding equilibrium to the most
unequal country in the eurozone in which the rich are overwhelmingly
outnumbered by the poor. Asked to comment, a spokesman for the Bank of Portugal
said, “Pois, pois.”
The scheme is
also thought to be benefiting the country by further encouraging the mass
exodus of a generation of young people obsessed with Facebook and sitting on
their backsides.
Property market
sources dismiss rumours that covert intermediaries in the Golden Visa program
have been asking estate agents to increase commissions from 5% to 10%+ so that
the introducers can get their cut.
The same sources
reject notions that in this time of austerity intermediaries are trying to buy
houses at €400k and then sell them on to
their clients at €500k+, or that agents would stoop to advising clients to add
10% to their asking prices to allow for fat commissions to be paid.
A 20-something unemployed
science graduate about to board an overseas flight at Lisbon airport said, more or less:“This whole
Golden Visa thing is a load of codswollop.”